Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
