would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
