Please, let me fuck your mom
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
