And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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