No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
