I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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