you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
