My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
