once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
