you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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