I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
