I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
