omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
