He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
