belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
