I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
