he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
