i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
