wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
