I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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