Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
