i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
