Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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