ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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