dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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