Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
