Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
