all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
