the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
