Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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