I'm jealous of your bromance
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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