I think I died a long time ago.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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