The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
