if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
