my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love you.
Bad choice
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