Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
