I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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