She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
