i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
