Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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