I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
