saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
