haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're like the curious george of whores
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
