i think my tv is drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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