I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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