hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
