There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
