Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
