First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
