I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
